We all experience moments which make us feel small. For me these moments come from; gazing up into a star-lit night and considering a universe so vast that to call myself a fraction of it would be an absurd exaggeration, walking through cemeteries and reflecting upon the myriad army of unknown men who have preceded me, and knowing that there are thousands of millions of people living of whom I know nothing. All of these things rouse the sleeping thought that I am just a fleeting infinitesimal speck in a world vaster, more ancient, and more crowded than I can even begin to comprehend.
The reason I bring all this up is that today I am beginning an activity which once again reminds me of how small I am. The activity is, of course, blogging. Another voice has emerged onto the internet to express its personal opinion. This seems about as interesting and significant as saying another wave has appeared in the ocean. I don’t think there are people anywhere saying, “I believe the blogosphere needs more people writing about themselves and their opinions.” All this leads to the overwhelming question of “why are you then engaging in an activity that makes you feel small and that no one particularly needs?”
The first answer is to develop my sense of self. That is I hope to understand my thoughts, beliefs, and opinions by expressing some of them in a semi-public sphere. Secondly, I hope to be able to convincingly, elegantly or clearly express those thoughts, beliefs, etc to others. This for me is important since I do not want to be a self-contained individual but rather a person who shapes and is shaped by ideas (that’s why I have graciously enabled comments to my posts). I think I naturally communicate myself in muddled and ambiguous terms, but hopefully this bog will allow me to develop a sense of clarity and creativity that does justice to the subjects I hope to address. My last reason really is an answer to the charge of insignificance. It is an answer to the questions, “What difference does your small blog make? What would happen if you never blogged at all?”
And I would reply. “The same that would have happened to the world and all the starry systems if an apple-tree grew six apples instead of seven; something would have been eternally lost. There has never been anything in the world absolutely like my blog. There will never be anything quite like it to the crack of doom. I cannot believe anything but that God loved it as He must surely love anything that is itself and unreplaceable.” Of course my answer would have been directly stolen from G.K. Chesterton’s The Napoleon of Notting Hill (replace ‘my blog’ with ‘Notting Hill’ and you have the actual quote). The reason why I like this quote is that it expresses wonderfully the beauty of particularity, which is the cure to the sense of insignificance derived from just being a small part of the big bad world.
It also gives me a sense of awe and joy at being part of the vast and ancient human experience. For me it is a delight as I experience my deepest joys, to know that many before me have felt a similar joy. It is a consolation to know in my dark days of suffering that men have weathered worse pains than I am experiencing. These shared feelings are what give me a sense of connection with, concern about, and compassion for my fellow man. However, these shared feelings are not what give my experiences significance. What gives my experiences significance is that they are mine and no one else’s. Many people have experienced things similar to what I experience. But it is me and no one else that is living the life I am living, that is seeing the things I am seeing, that is standing where I am standing, that is reacting the way I am reacting, and that is blogging the blogs that I blog.
That being said, I’m glad you’ve stumbled upon my little corner of the blogosphere. I hope you enjoy yourself while you are here. Feel free to comment, even if you hate me or disagree.
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