Old Folks

I’ve been thinking about old folks a lot lately. Quite frankly I like old forlks and I find them fascinating. I love history and hearing about times that are different from our own. I just spend a couple hours talking to my grandmother about her life experiences. She grew up on a farm and can remember using chamber pots and life without electricity or cars. They ate mostly what they raised, with the exception of cheese. She remebers going through the great depression, and talks about how her father cryed over a cotton feild because that year the president ordered that cotton would not be harvested in an attempt to stimulate the economy. She also talked about going to nursing school, surviving cancer, and how she and my grandfather met. Her memory of present events is garbled, but the farther in the past events are the more clearly she remembers them. Its like she’s far sighted with respect to time. She gets excited and her eyes light up when she talks about her youth or days gone by and she gets less interested or energetic when talking about current events.

Before talking to her I was at my great-aunt’s house and she showed a family album that had recently been compiled and contained family photographs from back in 1903. As I looked on these distant relations whose procreation led to my existence, I became curious as to who they were, and what they were like. I reflected on how much had changed since they were around, I wondered about their daily lives, and how mine would be just about unrecognizable to them. All in all it makes me want to talk more to the living witnesses to these by-gone days while they are still around.

Here are two links about old folks that make me emotional.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZ4SIe5rVUM&feature=related

The Way We Get By – Trailer from The Way We Get By on Vimeo.

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Clever Devil

One of my greatest fears is that I am not making moral progress. Moral progress is a difficult thing to quantify. There are tests to measure the amount of knowledge I have. There are benchmarks to show progress in physical strength. There are stopwatches to gauge speed. There are a thousand ways to measure whether or not I am getting better AT a particular activity. However, there is not a set measurement to determine whether I am becoming a better person. G.K. Chesteron said, “The word “good” has many meanings. For example, if a man were to shoot his grandmother at a range of five hundred yards, I should call him a good shot, but not necessarily a good man.” I’m worried I’m becoming “good” at all the trivial things of life without becoming “good.” 

The reason I bring this up is because I have just finished my second year of a four year graduate degree program designed to prepare people for ministry. I entered this program immediately after completing a four year undergraduate degree specifically designed for people going into vocational ministry. One of the major reasons I decided to continue my education was a very keen awareness of my own spiritual weakness. I noticed flaws and imperfections that are dangerous for anyone expected to be a moral leader. When I looked deep within myself, not only did I notice myself lacking certain virtues, I noticed myself exhibiting vices. Where I hoped to find love towards mankind, I found apathy. Where there should be joy, I found cynicism. I found impetuousness where patience ought to have been. Self-control had been replaced by indulgence. In the place of kindness, there was strife. In the place of faithfulness, immorality. Where I hoped to find humility, there was boasting. Where there ought to be contentment and peace, there was instead lust and jealousy. So, finding myself morally and spiritually deficient for the work I was preparing to do, I decided to continue my education. 

Now this is part of my problem. I look to academia for answers it cannot provide. This is not to devalue my academic experience at all. The courses I have taken have challenged and refined my thoughts exponentially. The professors I have sat under surprise and inspire me. But for all it is worth education does not make you a better person. C.S. Lewis said, “Education without values, as useful as it is, seems rather to make man a more clever devil.” I have had the added benefit of education with values, yet often I think I am only becoming a “more clever devil.” Because knowing about and understanding values or morality or spirituality is far different from putting that knowledge into action. 

The problem is not that I do not know what is required of be to “be good.” The problem is that I frequently choose the alternative to “being good.” In my general experience the alternative to “being good” is “feeling good.” I know several people who would say that immoral acts don’t really “feel good” because of the eventual pain and guilt they bring. I would not argue that immorality often brings unpleasant and dire consequences, but I would argue that these consequences do not negate the fact that at its inception most immorality “feels good.” In the same way just because a dessert makes you sick to your stomach does not make it any less sweet to taste. Sexual immorality at its inception feels better than chastity. Angry outbursts feel more satisfying than patience when you are irritated. Greed feels more comfortable and secure than sacrificial generosity. But my goal is not to feel good my goal is to be good. My prerogative is to love the Lord my God with all my heart, my soul, and my mind and to love my neighbor as myself. And to live out this love I have to quit indulging the part of me that wants to “feel good.” I have to start practicing joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

In terms of living this out in practical ways I’m hoping this will happen this summer. I’m working with a ministry called SOS. SOS is an urban home repair ministry in Memphis. It helps out people who have problems with their home, yet can’t afford to have them fixed. The homes are fixed by highschool and junior high kids who come in for a week at a time. These are supervised by a guys and girls in college, who are under construction supervisors. What gets me excited about SOS is that they are focused on ministering to everyone they come in contact with the homeowners, the highschoolers, junior highers, the summer staff, etc. I think my time with them this summer will be challenging, as it will force me to assume a leadership role. It will also be a great opportunity to love, care for, and encourage others. I know this summer will not instantly transform me into the person I need to be, but I hope it is part of the process of changing me into a person who would rather “be good” than “feel good.”

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