A Warning

If you are texting or looking things up on your phone during a movie and I am sitting behind you, I will slap you. Everyone behind you sees what you are doing and it bugs us.

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Kids and Presents

So I was seated at the end of a long table amongst young children. I assume I had been placed at this location since those in charge of the festivities assumed these would be the people with whom I would most likely be able to associate. Things were rather quiet at first so asked them what they were going to get for Christmas. They then excitedly described the dolls, and matchbox cars they were hoping Santa would bring them. Then one of the two kids told me, “My friend Jeremiah told me that Santa died.” Then his sister responded, “But we don’t believe him, we said, ‘We need proof!”

I guess I’m like a little kid in that I love presents. They’re great, they make Christmas morning so exciting. I didn’t even ask for anything this Christmas and I was still excited to open presents. I was probably a little more excited, cause I didn’t know what I was going to get. Which is why presents are so great, they are a surprise. G. K. Chesterton said, “All his [man’s] fun is in having a gift or present; which the child, with profound understanding, values because it is ‘a surprise.’ But surprise implies that a thing came from outside ourselves; and gratitude that it comes from someone other than ourselves. It is thrust through the letter-box; it is thrown in at the window; it is thrown over the wall. Those limits are the lines of the very plan of human pleasure.” I love this quote and I think I need this reality.

I’m a naturally cynical person and a little bit of a pessimist. I assume I have seen and experienced most everything. I don’t think there are things or people out there that can really change me (or you). I live a lot of my life in my head, and a decent amount of my life in my head I spend in parts of my head restricted from others. I become a self-contained person, mildly amused and interested in life, but never deeply moved or changed by it. That’s why I love surprises. They shock you out of complacency. They draw you out of yourself. And if it’s a gift, it brings you to gratitude, to thankfulness. Thankfulness and gratitude are acts that naturally draw you out of yourself. They make you recognize and appreciate what you have. They remind you that things can change, that there are things you don’t anticipate. Here is to a New Year and the surprises that are wrapped up and waiting to be opened.

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6 Sad Songs

I don’t know a lot about blues music, but I wish I did. I’ve heard some John Lee Hooker and B. B. King (I prefer Hooker). Other than that my knowledge is pretty much deficient. I say this because I like blues music, or at least I like the idea behind blues music. The idea that you can put your sorrow into sound and song. The idea that hearing the sorrow then soothes the soul.

It is said that David played the lyre for King Saul when he was troubled by evil spirits. And David’s music would soothe Saul’s demons (1 Sam 16:23). I’d like to think that David played the blues or the ancient Israelite equivalent.

But I don’t know a lot about the blues. I just know that music has the ability to move us, to ease our troubles, to give us catharsis. With that said, here are 6 sad songs I listen to when life gets the better of me.

Bob Dylan- “Most of the Time”

Subtle and powerful music with Dylan’s rare gift of lyrical storytelling, that doesn’t so much tell a story as it does a feeling. Also the scene in “High Fidelity” with “Most of the Time” playing in the background, is one of my favorite cinematic scenes of all time. Unfortunately I couldn’t find a good Dylan version of this song online, so here is Sophie Zelmani’s cover.

Ben Folds- “Evaporated”

For me this song captures so many aspects of romantic sorrow. The feeling of numb emptiness, wounded pride, and all the self questioning that comes with it.

Johnny Cash- “Hurt”

Probably the my favorite cover since Hendrix took on “All Along the Watchtower.” There is something to be said about an artist who can take another persons song and add depth and meaning to it. Somehow Cash manages to do that. The video for this one is good as well. Cash showing the stages of his life and the events that shaped him, as well as the life that he shaped for himself.

Wilco- “How to Fight Loneliness”

Beautiful song about putting up a front. Some of the phrases in this song are incredible: shine your teeth till meaningless, fill your heart with smoke, the first thing that you want will be the last thing that you need. This was the only video with good sound quality (I’ve never seen the movie girl interrupted).

Chris Isaak- “Wicked Game”

Chris Isaak’s wailing voice lamenting falling in love. He has incredible vocals that just make you feel his longing and regret. A pretty good live video.

The Velvet Underground- “Oh Sweet Nuthin'”

Once again music that you hear and feel.

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Confessions

Ok, I know I already posted once today, but I have been reading from Augustin’s Confessions Book II, and there are some passages I would like to share.

“I will now call to mind my past foulness, and the carnal corruptions of my soul, not because I love them, but that I may love Thee, O my God. For love of Thy love do i it, recalling, in the very bitterness of my remembrance, my most vicious ways, that Thou mayest grow sweet to me, Thou sweetness without deception.”

“But what was it that I delighted in save to love and to be beloved? But I held it not in moderation, mind to mind, the bright path of friendship, but out of the dark concupiscence of the flesh and the effervescence of youth exhalation came forth which obscured and overcast my heart so that I was unable to discern pure affection from unholy desire. Both boiled confusedly within me, and dragged away m unstable youth into the rough places of unchaste desires, and plunged me into a gulf of infamy.”

“But I, poor fool, seethed as does the sea, and, forsaking Thee, followed the voilent course of my own stream, and exceeded all Thy limitations; nor did I escape Thy scourges. For what mortal can do so? But Thou wert always by me, mercifully angry, and dashing with the bitterest vexations all my illicit pleasures, in order that I might seek pleasures free from vexation. But where could I meet with such except in Thee, who teachest by sorrow, and woundest us to heal us, and killest us that we may not die from Thee.”

Augustine’s depth of thought and eloquence of expression cause my soul to shudder. More quotes later…

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Long Fuse

I don’t get mad often. It takes a lot to get a rise out of me. I used to think that this was due to me having my anger in check. I’m beginning to realize that’s probably not true. Because even though I don’t have a short fuse, I can be very vindictive. I can also hold onto grudges for far longer than reasonable (if there is such a thing as a reasonable grudge). Which leads me to believe that I have a long fuse. Most of the time I’m able to defuse the bomb before the fuse runs out, or at least get it to a place where it won’t hurt anyone. I sometimes even push people away so they won’t get caught in the blast radius. However, there are times when people get caught in it. Occasionally its people completely unrelated to the incident. I’m not sure exactly why I’m writing this. I guess just to flush out my ideas. But I need to get a better hold on my anger, stop being vindictive and holding grudges.

EDIT: I think one of the reasons why I act in this manner is because my order of response to situations is: to think, then to feel, then to react. Whereas I think most people’s response is:to feel, then to react, then to think.

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Interesting clips from the interwebs

Ok, I’ll admit it. I have been using Christmas break to do absolutely as little as possible. And its everything I could ever hope for it to be. One of the many nothings I’ve been doing recently is watching stuff on youtube. Perhaps you’ve heard of this site, people can upload videos to it, and I think they have like 13 or 14 videos on there now. But I want to talk to you about two of them. One is ridiculous and the other is a compelling short story.

The first video is both one of the greatest reviews I have ever seen and an amazing work of dark comedy/sarcasm. The entire premise is that even a simple-minded psycho who can’t even pronounce the word protagonist could have made a better movie that Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. His description and critique of the movie are spot on. As an additional bonus, he had me snorting with laughter about ever two minutes. This is the first of his 7 video review. If you like the humor in this one be sure to check out the other ones as well. Just to warn you this has foul language (nsfw language). About 2:19 is where it gets really good.

Ok, despite this being about a Danish bodybuilder, give this second video a chance. I’ll talk about it after the link so as not to spoil anything. It’s a bit long, and looks better in full screen. A complaint in the previous video is that there was no connection with the protagonist. And he suggested that making the protagonist seem normal or making audience relate to the protagonist is important. In a short film this is very difficult to accomplish. When the main character is a giant whose leg has more muscle mass than your entire family, it doesn’t help most people relate. That’s the genius of this short film. It makes you relate and sympathize with the half ton of muscle that is Dennis. How? By exposing Dennis as vulnerable, shy, and sensitive. The film establishes depth in his relationship with his mom. You feel the guilt, the pressure, the manipulation, and the judgement. You feel that despite his stature, Dennis is diminutive whenever he is in the presence of his mother. He’s torn between establishing himself and his independence and pleasing her. He wants whats best for her, he wants her to find a new man. Yet, the fact that he wants to keep her happy is what keeps him under her control.

Then there is Dennis’ interaction with the outside world. From the outset we see that he is timid, and a little awkward (or maybe just soft-spoken) when reaching out to anyone. He wants to have other relationships, and to meet someone special. But you can feel that he knows he is an underdog. He knows that a guy who lives with his mom, doesn’t own a car, can only afford to take dates to pizza parlors, and doesn’t drink, won’t have a lot of appeal to most girls. You know that’s the reason he lies about living alone, that’s the reason why he takes his shirt off. He wants to be accepted. He wants to be accepted, to be popular, and to be liked. But he doesn’t want to be a novelty. He doesn’t want to just be used for what he is and not who he is. This is what he remembers and realizes with shame, when the other guys walk into the room. That he is just a novelty, a joke, something peculiar your friends can ogle. It’s this relationship with the word, that leads him back to the one place he actually feels comfort: his mom.

Anyways there’s a lot in the movie I didn’t even mention, but that’s the brilliance of this film. Is that it packs so much in so little time.

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Story within a Story

So, recently I returned home for the holidays to discover that my mother had uncovered an old notebook from my prestigious days as a 5th grade student. Unfortunately the notebook was rather sparse, but it contained one story of interest. I read the first page of that particular story and felt quite proud of my 5th grade writing prowess. I then chided my current self for all the potential he had squandered. I was then distracted by dinner, but brought the book along with me. After eating a bit with the parentals. My Mom suggests I read something from the ole notebook. She and my Dad seem interesting in hearing what I wrote back then. [Just as a bit of background I lived in Russia when I was 8-10 years old]. I begin reading, “It was early March when I started my climb up Mt Pobeda a mountain 3147 feet above sea level in Northern Russia. I didn’t bring a thermometer which was foolish but I knew it was at least -25 F at the start. This was my second highest climb I had ever done and this was my first climb alone.” At this point my Dad interrupts, “I don’t remember this at all.” I look at my Dad, realize that he was serious, and I just start dying laughing. So does my Mom, and then my Dad as well. He had thought the story was a historical account from my life when I was 9 or 10 and that he had just completely missed out on the mountaineering days of his son’s youth. Ok, it doesn’t sound as funny when its written out, but we thought it was hilarious. Here’s the rest of the story for those of you who are interested: “AFter one night I found  a large boulder (by God’s grace) this was a perfect place to set camp after shoveling for an hour. I took out my wood, coal and some gasoline to start my fire. O by the way my name is John Alshrine an American salesman and part-time missionary, I climb mountains as a hobby. I slept well after eating and warming my scarf, snowshoes, equipment and coat (I almost didn’t warm my coat from fear of frostbite). In the morning I started early that’s where I saw strange footprints. They were like a bear’s but only the creature had been walking on its hind legs. I followed them for 5 minutes till they disappeared. I stood there looking for clues of where it could be untill… Th ground shook? Instantly I was w on my back. I looked and saw a 10 foot giant thingy. It looked like a gorilla with white fur, a white leathery chest and a black gorilla like face. It jumped and with a swipe of its claw I was on my back again. It slowly walked forward. I quickly put my hand into my bag and pulled out two tent pegs. I jumped to my feet leaving my equipment and yelling while running towards the beast. Then I stabbed it in the stomach with a tent peg, it sunk all the way in. It roared so loud my ears rung. Then SWISH I couldn’t feel my left arm. I saw it was bleeding not badly, but I think it damaged a nerve. This time I swung my peg at the beast’s neck. It moaned a loud moan. Because of the damage of my supplies I had to go back down. And I never got the chance to climb Mt. Pobeda. The End.”

So that’s a little peak into my childhood. While you were probably dreaming of being a firefighter, or riding ponies, I was dreaming of fighting off Yeti the Snowman with tent pegs, while scaling frozen mountains. Which brings me to my main point: I am better than you.

P.S. Apparently I wasn’t the only one who suffered misfortune on Mt Pobeda. http://www.mountain.ru/article/article_display1.php?article_id=1722

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Bad Mood Risin’

There are a few moods that I really hate to find myself in. One is what I call the insatiable appetite. There are times when I will start to feel hungry and begin to graze on whatever poor item crosses my path in the pantry or refrigerator. The odd thing is that even after eating and drinking my way through a sizable portion of my groceries, I’ll still feel as hungry as when I began. So, unless I am in a particularly self controlled mood, I’ll continue to deplete my food supply. What makes this particular mood even worse is that I don’t even enjoy the food. And if there’s one thing I enjoy it is food. If there are two things that I enjoy it is food and the early seasons of the Simpsons, before the show began its gradual decline into mediocrity. If there are three things I enjoy… well nevermind, I’m getting off topic. As I was saying when I am possessed by this ravenous grazing mood, I’ll eat copious amounts, yet fail to enjoy the food I’m eating. Nothing tastes good. The food is just something to eat, something to try to appease the fickle hunger gods. I’ve actually bought bags of salad and spinach for such occasions. Since I’m eating everything in sight, and the taste doesn’t matter I figure I should eat some healthy food (or perhaps it is my attempt to make the grazing metaphor more apt). So I’ll open a bag of spinach and eat it like popcorn. I haven’t bought a bag lately, so my grazing has been less healthy recently.

Another mood I hate to find myself in is procastination mode. This usually occurs when there is something in my life I should address, but am unable to because of academic assignments. My brain figures that since I have issues I should address instead of working, it will distract me from work with the most trivial and insignificant things, like facebook, or blogging…

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Music Videos

Ok the point of this post is to share some music videos I find to be creative and interesting. Hopefully there will also be some music videos that are new to you. This isn’t an extensive list or even a best of, it is simply a few music videos I enjoy. EDIT: I embedded some videos, but in many cases the the videos linked in the title are better quality.

RJD2 “Work It Out” The music video follows a guy named Bill Shannon who suffers from a degenerative hip condition requiring him to use crutches. Why I like it: It has a cool background story following a guy dancing on crutches. The video is one continuous shot around a building, , except for the beginning. Lastly, I like this video because it works, as Bill dances and glides, it seems to fit with the music. It isn’t forced. It isn’t a good video combined with a song. It is a good music video.

COPARCK “A Good Year for the Robots” Music videos that tell a story always catch my eye. This one does a particularly good job of integrating the story and the song. What makes it work for me: The actor who plays Alex is really good. It asks the hard questions “Should we teach robots to feel?” “Should robots and people be romantically involved?” and of course the blade runner question “Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?”

Bees “Listening Man” – This is a simple video… with a simple story… and I simply enjoy it.

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Beirut “Elephant Gun” – This video is a feast for the eyes. It has beautiful colors, intoxicating dancing, and it doesn’t hurt that the song is pretty amazing as well. The link in the title has much better quality than the following youtube video.

Jason Forrest “War Photograph” – Cool animation that syncs up perfectly to the music. And who doesn’t love a good ole fashioned viking robot battle of the bands?

MGMT “Time to Pretend” – This is a trippy, low budget video that just simply captures the ‘live fast, die young’ attitude of the song. I also like the honesty of the song, in recognizing the consequences and loss resulting from a recklessly hedonistic lifestyle, and the continued resolution to pretend. I found this video to be really interesting and less annoying than most videos using early 90’s computer editing effects.

Modest Mouse “Dashboard” – I feel like a broken record, talking about how I like music videos that tell a story. This one is with higher budget, by a more popular band. Still, the ‘Old Fisherman’s Tale’ is well conceived and visually entertaining.

That’s all for now. I hope you enjoyed. I’ll try to write on this thing more often.

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