A Well Ordered Life

I am a person who likes his clothes scattered about the floor, his hair unkempt, and his work piled up all over his desk. In other words order and organization do not come naturally to me. Chaos can often comfort me, aide in my creativity. However it also has downsides it is a distraction to my productivity, it feeds distraction rather than focus, and it clutters up my bid’ness. Because of the latter reasons, I’ve been working on creating a well ordered life. While I’m still musing on how to apply this principle to my life as a whole, I’ve begun applying it to different pockets of my life. I began by pairing down my sentimental/photo/junk items. Growing up we moved around a lot, and as a result I have an odd habit of holding onto random objects or pictures that remind me of the past. Now I’m not saying it’s bad to have keepsakes and the like, but it’s also not ok to be a pack rat. Eventually the time comes when I started to wonder why I’m moving these boxes around with me that I rarely open, and what’s inside them. I open them to discover old hobbies, significant memorabilia, and junk that might have held some significance in the past but now is just adding poundage to the overall weight of the items I own. Facing the pile of junk and memorabilia I did a good job getting rid of things so that I won’t have to open the boxes and start throwing things away again. When in doubt throw it out. Keep only what is really significant. So I did a lot of throwing away, in that department, it felt pretty good in fact. Later on I’ll have to go back and give order to all the old photos, and memorabilia, but for now its a step in the right direction. The next area I have been adding order to is my library. In particular I have been cataloging my books in an attempt to both get a feel for all that I have, and to allow me to easily find what I’m looking for. In order to expedite the process I purchased program called Delicious Library. It is a mac program which is free to try (up to 25 items I think) check it out here. Basically it allows you to catalogue & sort your library digitally, either by scanning, entering the ISBN, or searching for you book. Although I’m using it for my library you can use it for other items such as cds, dvds, and pretty much anything with a barcode that is on amazon. It even allows you to check out items to people so you can remember who forgot to return Little Women to you. I’m not finished with the book project as I’m still working on sorting out some categories, should I create a category for my favorite authors or put their books in the categories which they address? These are the problems that plague me and keep me up at night… Not really I sleep like a baby… with clothes scattered about the floor.

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To England

Dear England or London more particularly,
Thank you for your delicious tea. Our tea is quite inferior, and I’ll admit it I have tea envy. However I must address something I believe is quite a serious problem. It makes me very uncomfortable to even bring up. I thought that you were supposed to be a civilized and refined society, these notions must be very antiquated for what I found in that capital city was the epitome of barbarism and avarice. The United States is often referred to the Land of the Free, but I had no idea this was in reference to the use of public toilets. London it is a cruel thing to charge men and women to do what nature requires them to do, yet your social structures and laws prevents them to publicly. To force a tax on men and women simply to relieve themselves is rather a mean and inhospitable act of extortion, for when nature calls and will not be denied, what recourse does an individual have but to pay the bathroom attendant (or machine)?

Which brings me to my second point of contention with the city of London. You’re expensive. In fact you’re unreasonably expensive. Unfortunately for some reason we were unreasonably stupid and paid your exorbitant fees for everything. Other than Cornish Pastries, I think everything was just made more expensive for the sake of making it more expensive. I should have expected this from a city that would charge someone for merely having to use the restroom, but poor American sap that I am it blindsided me.

As if to compensate for everything else being so expensive I appreciate the gesture (I always have to check the spelling of that word thanks to the game guesstures) of offering many of your museums free of charge. I especially appreciate that within these museums individuals are allowed to use the restroom or WC as you call it, without having to pay for the privilege of relieving oneself.

Also on an unrelated note that you for some of your television series. We thoroughly enjoy the soap Dowton Abbey and have just begun the wonderful Jeeves & Wooster series with Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie.
Sincerely,

An American Tourist

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Being Yourself

The first topic from a random topic generator which caused me to stop and consider writing. A topic that is at once intensely personal and strangely universal.

I think that I spend a lot of time thinking about who I want to become but not as much time thinking about who I am. I want to be in better shape, I want to write griping stories, speak more eloquently, teach effectively, and care about people sincerely. But that is more about becoming what I want myself to be and not being myself.

I think I often don’t think about myself since I so easily see my faults that the idea of being myself seems to indicate a complacency about the parts of myself which I should change. I think, ironically, that when people tell others to “be themselves” they are asking them to change who they are. They are asking them to put down their façade, to be more vulnerable, or to allow themselves access to a part of the person which the person may not be willing to show.

This brings up an interesting question, “If putting up a facade or a wall is the habit of a person, does that become a part of the person or is the person behind that.” In other words if a person acts shy, but inwardly has many opinions to express is the shyness any less a part of them than being opinionated?

But I digress from my introspection. I think that being yourself involves embracing and strengthening what is good about yourself. Being the you that you like, accept, and want to encourage. We all have parts of us that we want to eliminate our cowardice, our anger, our impatience, our lust, or our clumsiness. But being yourself means doing what you’re good at, being the you that you enjoy. It helps us to define ourselves more by our strengths. It means making others laugh if we think we’re funny, it means being creative it we think ourselves artistic, it means being there for a friend if we think ourselves loyal. It is a call to be both true to ourselves and to exercise our skills to the best of our abilities.

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If I were a teacher the first thing I would do would be…

If I were a teacher the first thing I would do would be to give my class some perspective. Perspective not just about the class, but about life and purpose. I would ask them to evaluate what they really wanted out of life. Whether it be family, money, respect, friendship, etc. Then I would ask them if they were pursuing that goal. Whether or not they were really going after the things in life that matter. Second, I would have them list out a set of values. Values that shape and define them. I would ask them to make values based decisions. Many people have mental values that they never act upon. You have the executive who values family time, yet works overtime at his job for his family. His decisions don’t match his values, and this process could continue indefinitely if he never examines the way in which he makes decisions. I would emphasize to my class that the work they did in my class is valuable for a few reasons. First, it is valuable for the since the subject has valuable and is useful in life. Second, in the class they will develop skills and abilities, the most critical of which is learning more new skills and abilities. Third, the grade they receive may help them in graduating, and pursuing their goals outside of the classroom. I will emphasize that their participation in class is important but that it is not the most important thing in life. Their grade in particular is not the most important thing in life. Family for example is more important than getting a good grade. If they had to sacrifice their grade to spend more time with their family or fulfill family obligations that would be a good values based decision. Their character is more important than the grade they receive. It would be better to be an honest person with a poor grade than to be a liar with a higher average. In the end being an honest person is more important than having a flawless GPA. I’ve had teachers tell me some of these things, some of them I have learned on my own. Whenever I encounter teachers who are honest about the importance of life outside of the classroom, I tend to do learn more from them, sometimes about their subject but always about life.

In an effort to continue giving you more posts. I selected today’s topic from this website and used the write or die web app to motivate me to write for 10 min.

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Writing Activity 1: Recalling a Learning Experience, What I leaned in the warehouse.

Like most people who have a blog tucked away somewhere upon the vast cyberscape of internet, I aspire to be a better writer. Lately, as the two people who check my blog have noticed, my aspirations far outweigh my effort. As a result of this lack of effort my blog grows old, dusty and covered in cobwebs. I of course use the excuse that I am either too busy or that I have nothing to write about. In an attempt to eliminate the latter excise and to instill some discipline to this craft, I am returning to an old college writing book. I remember the book for its useful writing exercises. Now, I return to it, like an overweight ex-athlete, to exercise once more.

Exercise one: Recall a memorable learning experience that you have had, either in school or outside. Describe that experience and explain why it has had a lasting impact on you. Discuss how the experince has contributed to your development as a thinker and writer.

In May of 2011, I was thrust into the working world. It was not an unfamiliar place to me. I’ve had many jobs landscaping, grading, photographing of ancient manuscripts, putting up drywall, managing a shop, directing a camp, leading international trips, but all these were temporal dips into the working force. It would be full time for a summer or part time during the school year. But this was different, after decades of academia with many degrees in my pocket I was setting out to become a permanent member of the workforce.

However, things didn’t go exactly as I planned. Despite all the degrees, and the various jobs I’d worked, I couldn’t seem to land a job in my field. Any job that I made any headway into, eventually went with someone older, someone more experienced. I felt a little bit cheated by the promises of the education system.

Being unable to obtain a job with my degrees, or resume. I entered the workforce through my connections and my willingness to do manual labor. I got a job in an unconditioned warehouse doing manual labor mostly with people making minimum wage. I can’t say that the job was glamorous, but it was steady work. I was labeling boxes. Taping boxes. Stacking boxes. Filling boxes. I was doing a lot of box work.

Working in the warehouse, I learned quite a bit, mostly about people. I learned that you never really know how people end up where they are. I grew up with the subtly implanted cultural idea that people who have to work hard manual labor jobs are losers or that they have failed at life. It was the idea of, “You’d better study hard you don’t want to grow up and work in a warehouse.” As someone who studied hard, got two degrees, etc, then graduated in a depressed economy, then got a job in a warehouse. I feel that I had been lied to. I also felt like it is a lie that getting a job doing hard work is a bad thing. The world relies on hard work, without manual labor our world would fall apart. Secondly I learned that the idea that people are poor because they don’t work hard is a a lie. Whatever job I take on I try to push myself in. While I was at the warehouse, I tried to be the most productive and useful worker I could be. But even working at my hardest and my fastest, I wasn’t nearly as good as Freddie. While working here I learned to use a tape gun faster than I thought humanly possible, but if I was working next to Freddie, it would look like I was going slow. Freddie was hired through a staffing service which means not only was he making less than me hourly he was also having parts of paycheck go back to the staffing service. He was as hard a worker as I had ever seen and by most people’s standards he would be considered poor.

Lastly I learned that most white collar workers aren’t necessarily hard workers. I found this out on my last week of work. My boss and my supervisor told me that they were disappointed I was leaving. During my last few weeks they had been giving me more and more responsibility. I found out that when I first started they gave me more menial jobs, because the other white-collar/college student type workers that were sent to that department had poor work ethics. Because I got the job through a connection and because of my degrees they thought I would just coast through the job and be a menial and lethargic worker.

Through my job at the warehouse I gained an appreciation for hard work, hard times, and hard workers.

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Restless Soul

Sometimes your soul gets restless and it wander in the room looking for a place to lay it’s head and sleep. But none of the spots it finds are quite good enough, so it stays on its feet. Sometimes you soul gets restless cause it gets too stiff from sitting under the same bridge too long. Deep down it knows it’s been time to keep trucking on. Sometimes your soul gets restless cause there’s a nameless fear that creeps and crawls in the shadows. Sometimes it’s close and sometimes it’s far. But you only get glimpses of it but never a good look. You know its not a big threat but it bothers you on those still and quiet nights, when you’re alone with your thoughts and yourself and nobody else. Sometimes your soul is restless because it’s got too much love to give, and it feels as though your arms are too weak, your feet are too shy, and your eyes are to dry, and time is too fast. Because you know there people your hands should be hugging and helping. You know the poor places are where your feet should be running. You know your eyes should be crying with the heart-broken. But time moves fast, and work drags on. So your soul stays restless for far to many nights, while you try to distract yourself with a thousand different delights. But it only distracts your mind, because your soul won’t rest, it won’t rest before it has what it’s searching for.

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Lips on Fire

Isaiah 6 recounts the vision of Isaiah where he sees the Lord high and lifted up. In his presence are angels covering themselves with their wings and singing, “Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty. The earth is full of his Glory.” Isaiah’s response to this scene is to recognize his own unworthiness and sinfulness as well as the sinfulness of the nation. He says, “Woe is me! I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty.” These are verses most Christians are quite familiar with, Isaiah is one of the most popular prophets for us to read from in the old testament and this is one of the favorite passages from the book bearing his name. However G.K. Chesterton wrote, “If you look at a thing 999 times, you are perfectly safe. If you look at it the 1,000th time, you are in frightful danger of seeing it for the first time.” I noticed two things I had never noticed before.

The first thing that struck me was the the Angels were not singing of God’s glory in heaven or in and of himself, but his glory on earth. This reveals the truth that the earth is a stage for the glory of the Lord to be displayed. And on that stage there are certain players who have been given roles to carry out, small acts which appear for a short time upon the stage that give others a glimpse of the wonder and marvel of God. This is the role of the Christian in the world. To declare God’s glory in word, in their actions towards the poor and downtrodden, in their forgiveness towards those who harm them, in their lives characterized by love and obedience towards God and kindness and service towards their neighbors. Some Christians think that this world matters very little, but this is a lie. This world matters because in it the glory of God has, is, and will be displayed.

The realized the second new thing while I was meditating on a truth I heard from a preacher. He spoke about how Isaiah was convicted about something that we rarely feel any guilt about, the things we say. His point was that in the presence of God, even the slightest of sins becomes an unbearable and condemning offense. We excuse ourselves for cursing in traffic, gossiping about our friends, demeaning others, without even thinking about it. We have no remorse, no guilt, no shame about the ways we misuse our lips. But once in the presence of God and his purity, the revulsion of the sin becomes unbearable. While thinking of this, I tried to figure out why the particular sin of the lips bothered Isaiah so much. He may have been a very good man, but I doubt his only failings were in the things he said. I think the answer lies in what Isaiah witnessed. He witnessed the angels in heaven declaring the attributes of God. He saw worship as it was intended to be. He saw lips performing their proper function of praise. When he came in contact with that, the conviction of how he had misused his own lips, his own words, his own voice, became apparent. The lips that were intended to praise God had been used to slander other, they had uttered lies, they had been misused and abused.

So this leads us to the question, “when we come into the presence of God, What will convict us?” When we see how we should have used our hands, our eyes, our ears, our lips, how will they condemn us? Are we seeking to glorify in our bodies the God who entrusted us with our bodies? But before we can answer these questions we must do something, to realize our failings, to realize our purpose… we must first draw into the presence of God. It is there that all things come to light. It is in his presence that the desire for Holiness grows, it is in His presence that we worship, it is in His presence that our sins are exposed. Seek His presence.

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My Modern Madness

“Madness is doing the same thing in the same way repeatedly while expecting different results.” Someone far more original than me said that once, and while the particular person who said it has faded from my memory their words found a way to stick. I was thinking about this because I realized that by this definition I have compulsions that exhibit this form of madness. I check my email and facebook with a frequency that borders on obsession. It is as though the moment boredom or a lull comes into my life I simply sign on. The odd thing is that I am looking for the same thing there repeatedly that I never find. On the surface level this compulsive behavior stems from curiosity and boredom. I want to see what other people are doing. I want to be amused and entertained by voyeurism into the trivialities of others’ lives. But underneath the compulsion is a hope and desire far deeper than that. I’m actually looking to these sources for relationships, affirmation, and validation. I want to feel connected and involved in other people’s lives. I want other people to reach out to me. I want people to find me significant or interesting. I want people to encourage me. It’s as if I’m looking to my email and to facebook to fulfill the deep relational desires that I have. This presents two serious problems. The first is quite simply that there is almost no relational satisfaction in those areas. I’ve never had a wall post that made me feel significant. There are some emails that have been significant to me, but it is usually months between these emails, not minutes. Looking to these sources for meaning, significance, or relationships is like drinking water one drop at a time. It isn’t enough to satisfy. The second problem it presents is that compulsion feeds desire and desire feeds compulsion. The more I check my email the more I want an email, the more I want an email the more I check my email. This becomes a vicious cycle of narcissism and neediness. I want validation constantly and continuously. Even when I receive it, it isn’t as good as I expected and hoped. But instead of placing my hope in something different, something more meaningful, I return to the comfort and disappointment of my compulsion. It’s comfortable be cause I know it, and there’s no real risk of pain or disappointment, because it’s passive behavior. I sit back and wait for the world to come to me, instead of taking bigger risks and facing larger disappointments. That’s my madness.

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No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Somewhere in my misguided life I picked up the notion that if I do the right thing, good things will happen to me. Not only will good things happen to me, but I will deserve for good things. If I am patient searching for a job I will be rewarded by getting an amazing one. If I give money to the homeless, I wont get pulled over for speeding. If I am kind to strangers, I will be rewarded with a beautiful wife. If I call my grandparents on their birthdays, I’ll get straight As. I bought into the silly little notion that the universe will balance out and if you put good into the world it’ll come back to you with interest. But the truth is far from that…  good deeds often fail to bring any reward in fact many times they bring suffering. You pet a dog and it bites your hand. You pay all your taxes and it tanks your business. You give money to the homeless and he follows you for an hour yelling. You workout, exercise and eat right, but you still get cancer. You patiently wait and diligently search for a job you never get. You tell the truth and it destroys a friendship. You do volunteer work and get injured. Not only do you seem to get punished for your good deeds but others seem to be rewarded for their bad deeds. The manipulator always seem to get the girl. The thief’s business always seems to prosper. The jerk always gets promoted. Despite My Name is Earl’s attempt to prove otherwise, Karma just doesn’t seem to correspond with reality. Now its true that the villain doesn’t always win, the hero sometimes gets the girl, but there’s a reason why we think of those type of stories as fairy tales or stories for naive children. Its because the harsh reality of life is that my good deeds don’t earn or entitle me to any reward. If I do a good deed, it should be because I think I value morality and virtue over reward. In fact I must willing to put myself at risk in doing what is right, because it is often accompanied by pain. The true test of character is not then the willingness to the right thing, but rather how much I’m willing to suffer for doing the right thing. To be a man of virtue I have to care more about character than consequences.

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Robots and Death

It’s time I give the people what they want… assuming the people want more blog posts.

There is a strange phenomena which basically boils down to this if there are really realistic portrayals of humans can be really creepy. The odd thing is if it is either not realistic at all it can be cute or if it is convincingly realistic it doesn’t bother us as much. The area of realism that seems to creep us out which is not fake enough to be cute and not realistic enough to be convincing, is called the uncanny valley. Supposedly the reason why these robots give us the heebie jeebies is that they remind us of our own mortality. I guess inanimate objects that look human remind people that eventually there will come a day when they will be inanimate objects that look human. So, what do you think of the uncanny valley?

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